Unique Star

I’ve been pretty quiet as of late because work has been hectic, as usual, but more so because It’s time for the semiannual performance reviews. I could probably devote a whole entry to the broken-ness that is the review process, but I’m sure the few readers of this blog don’t care, and I don’t feel like writing about that today. What I do want to write about, as I take a moment to pretend the reviews are a figment of my imagination, is the future. I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about my future. In particular, I’m thinking about grad school. With considerable confidence, I can now state that my sights are set on obtaining a Master of Fine Arts degree in Software. For those who may have missed the subtle distinction, let me say that again with some emphasis: I intend to pursue a Master of Fine Arts degree in Software. Wait… what?

Because I really should not procrastinate much more than is necessary, please refer to this site for additional information regarding the MFA in Software. What follows will be a short explanation of my rationale for making this decision…

As a young lad, my twin brother and I grew up with the same interests and influences, even if we sometimes did not want to admit we were as alike as we were. That’s not to say, though, that we clones of each other. As I see it now, it’s in the implementation where he and I set ourselves apart. Here is an example: John and I were enraptured by the idea of being hackers. I won’t claim to know John’s thought processes, but in retrospect, I believe he was more interested in the technical aspects of hacking. On the otherhand, while I was technically-savvy, I think my motivator was the social aspect of “counter culture” groups like hackers. Perhaps this is one reason why John graduated before I did, while I stayed interested in the rave-scene and took a small hiatus from my studies. Truth be told, there are more concrete reasons why I fell behind (playing too many games, skipping classes, etc.) but methinks there might be at least a subtle motivator for my actions.

My friends tend to be artists more than the technically inclined. Hell, I think every girl I’ve gone out with would fall in the artist camp far easier than in the technical camp (oh, the many glazed looks I’d recieve when trying to explain number theory or recursive algorithms). I definitely dabbled with the idea of pursuing the artists life while in high school. In the end though, I found I had more of a knack for math than I did for “art” in the sense that I could crunch numbers far easier than I could draw a line with the proper weighting to be aesthetically pleasing. At heart though, I’m beginning to think I’m more artist than scientist. This realization has been heavily influenced by two things that have come to light in the last year or two.

The first of these things, chronologically, is discovering a proposal by Richard P. Gabriel concerning the notion of a MFA in Software. Since that is subject of this entry, I’ll come back to this later. Let’s just say that at the time, it seriously piqued my interest, but I had not yet graduated with my BS in Computer Science, so let the notion go after a small period of excitement.

The second event that began to change my views was a post on Slashdot concerning an article by Paul Graham called Hiring is Obsolete which I’ve linked to in a previous entry. This essay not only gave me a goal for how to pursue my future as a programmer, it introduced me to his other bodies of work. I picked up his book Hackers and Painters and am currently in the process of reading it. Let me say this: it’s an amazing read, and I encourage everyone to pick it up if possible… and I’m only at Chapter 5. This book has rekindled the “magic” of being a self-styled hacker. It puts to paper ideas I’ve entertained for years (in some form or another). Most importantly though, it’s reintroduced the idea of hackers as being akin to painters (more generally, as “makers”). I’ve used the term “artist” in this blog entry, but that’s because I’m most comfortable with that label.

I’ve already put off my reviews far longer than I originally anticipated, but I’m coming to a close, so here I’ll try to be brief. The pigeon-hole I placed myself in when going to college was that I had to become a computer scientist by conventional definition. I definitely learned a lot in the process, but I also felt that I was missing something. My appreciation for aesthetics, design, and style never played a role in my proposed professional career. The sciences are a little too hard and cold for me, I continually find myself wanting to breathe some life in to the work I do. Paul Graham’s book reminded me of the MFA program and made me think about what I wanted to do. I want to create. I want to make things that are appreciated, but more importantly, I want these things I build to be uniquely mine, with my voice.

Perhaps I’m waxing poetic now. Perhaps I’m just tired and not wanting to put on my manager hat. Perhaps I just need to get a good night’s sleep. Regardless, I’ve got a lot of food for thought: answers to questions I didn’t quite realize I was asking, and many more questions now waiting to be answered. I now know what I want to do from this point in my life, and the first step in that direction is to look in to applying for the MFA program. It’s currently a part of the University of Illinois, and I’m not sure if it’s made it past the initial trial-run that began more than a year ago. Still, I think I’ll go where my heart takes me.

See you on the flip side.

-Tom

PS: in this context, starting a software startup is very much like the programmer’s version of being a starving artist. I’m not sure whether to be amused or concerned. Oh well. I’m already starving in my current job. Might as well have fun.

PPS: upon re-reading this post, I see that I did not address half of the things I appear to be implicating at various points in this post. Let’s consider this post my first draft. Something I’d like to expand upon in the future when I have more time at my disposal. If you think I could be clearer in my statements, please let me know.